as much as I can remember
the feelings were different
and now
I didn't expect this

it's too far from what I thought it would be


my wish
hopes
dreams...

let the fun begin

7.00 am
i heard my dad's voice..
"asma hani, bangun"
ok dad, what now? i dnt go to school anymore..i have no more classes to attend
"no..wake up, kate nak ikut pgi buat pasport" uh-uh forget bout dat.
So i woke up, reluctantly, leaving the best place in the whole world-my bed :D

8.30
Arrived at Imigresen Malaysia-Subang Jaya
and hundred of people already lining up. i thought there was an event or something but nope, people are lining up for pasport. c'mon people, it's early morning, go back to sleep ;p
well, actually i thought i'm the earliest person to arrive-haha..berangan je~sampai sana i'm like the 300th person. I was blurr at first, have no idea where to start and find the form. Luckily there's a few aunties and uncles helped me, telling me to get those form and lining up to get ur number. My dad didnt want to follow- he said i'm already 19, i dnt need him or mama to accompany me and said that i cant be a little girl anymore, i should do all that stuff alone, without anybody's help-yup he only dropped me off in front of the office :) thanks dad

the place was extremely packed especially those families, mums and dads and grannys and KIDS. yeah i forgot, it's school holiday, everyone's going for a vacation~ yup!! let the fun begin with the pasport..hahah...and guess how much FUN i had..waiting for my turn, from 9.00am to 3.oopm. Damn bored and it was very tiring. Thanks to i-dnt-know-whats-his-name, who exchanged his number. Apparently, he has to go for doctor's appointment first and afraid that he can't come back in time, so we exchanged number and i got to go earlier :D~thank God

seharian menunggu pasportku~balek tdo :)

studying for mock??

saye nak shopping!!~
when a shopaholic is being restricted from shopping, he or she will show a numerous symptoms which eventually can affect one's ability to concentrate, focus or even worsen one's health and sometimes leading to an emotional breakdown. Addiction to shopping is good as it increase aggregate spending, what we shopaholics try to do, is just to help to reduce economic fluctuations and especially, we want to generate the economy.


MOCK's coming in less than a week and everyone's focusing on their studies including myself. but i don't why i can't give full concentration to my studies for these couple of days. Perhaps, i'm just too nervous for the upcoming exam or i'm pretty sure it's due to my lack of shopping lately..hahah. truth to be told, the last time i shop was like in the middle of this year, which was in the past few months. great! i guess my dad's credit card bill was not that high lately.


back to the story, so, here i am, blogging, trying to pujuk myself not to go out shopping, trying to convince myself that study is more important this week n keep telling and promising to myself that i can shop whatever i want after mock exam. making a deal with myself; if i study hard, i get to shop harder too :D yeah c'mon gurl..just one more week till mock! then u can shop till u drop!


but it's not too easy though. eventhough i stay at home, trying to study, i keep thinking of One Utama, and the Curve and Pavillion and Sunway pyramid too and knowing the fact that every shop are having great sale now distracted me a lot. yeah i'm desperate now. whenever i calculate the initial vertical velocity or the torque, i'm thinking of high heels and cool wedges and those colourful sandals to suit my baju raya. and when i try to memorise the colour of transition metals, my mind project the image of those stylish, colourful, unforgettable, well-design tops. so tell me now, how do i study with all these on my mind at all time? i ended up online, googling for shoes and clothes and handbags. simply, i'm practically window-shopping and NOT studying!!


anyways, after several hours of online shopping...here's the result..






nine west collection

and they are on sale~so it's really affordable :D

happy studying everyone

and good luck for MOCK !!!

lizard alert

it was a good day for me..fasting, stay at home and delicious food for buke puasa...and i said to my sis, let's go for tarawih tonight and she agreed. we went with abah.
as usual we sat n waited for the tarawih prayers. it was all pretty calm and alhamdulillah i think i'm able to perform my prayer in a very peaceful mind and heart. but not for long though.

here's the story. as we were at the last two rakaat of the tarawih prayer, there was this tiny, no, not tiny...there was this brown creature in front of me, giving me a major heart attack!! LIZARD!! at first i thought i was having my usual eyesight problem. Standing up after sujud, i noticed the pattern on sejadah was moving and i ignored it. then only i saw a lizard was ON IT!!! and the lizard was moving around the sejadah. oh yeah of course i freaked out like hell but i CAN'T SHOUT, i'm praying..and i can't afford to run!! worst! where would i go if i run? everyone else are praying calmly and i can't shout, or i'll be causing a major chaos in the mosque. and of course i don't want to embarrass myself in front of everyone. by this time, i can't concentrete on my prayer anymore..(cicak buat aku x khusyuk semayang)..so i just stood still and wishing that the lizard won't come near me. but it did! it crossed in front of me and went inside kain telekung of the aunty in front of me. I freaked out again! I was like screaming loudly inside my heart.." makcik!!, ade cicak masuk kain makcik!! run! run for your life!!..yeah, i'm dramatic remember. I was wondering why the lizard would want to go inside somebody's telekung? it's a piece of cloth not a wall! so i assume that the lizard salah jalan since the telekung also is white in colour. but after the lizard realized he took a wrong road, he jump off from the white cloth and went off( i dnt exactly know where cz i didn't see it anymore) but deep inside i was still very afraid, in case the lizard went into my telekung next. huh! that was unforgettable.

on the way back, i was telling my father about the lizard incident with full enthusiasm and with all the screamings of yucks and ewwws and he smiled and calmly said to me.."ala, halau je cicak tu dgn kaki, dia kan kecik" "ye abah, it's small but it caused me a major heart attack and luckily i did not faint down.." and he just laughed. for the next few hours, my alertness level has increased tremendously, i kept looking down on the floor to make sure there's no lizard.. stupid!haha!
p/s: hope it's not too late,happy fasting to all muslim :D

i shouldn't

i never thought i feel this way. honestly. this isn't me. i am not like this and i wish i am never gonna be. what i've taught myself before, what daddy has taught me and what mum always said, everything seems to be pretty good at first. it were all good and i think, it still is. i shall never ever forget those. i listened to what they've said. often we heard, experiences are the best teacher in the world..well if it's true, i'm eager to meet this teacher, to seek knowledge from this teacher.teach me, guide me and lead me.

a lot has to be sacrified.and it's not as easy as we thought it would be.never. instead, it's much harder, not just the hurtful pain, but the drugs are terribly, awfully bitter.the ingredients of life are almost similar for each of us.it's the matter of how well we mix the ingredients.or how bad we did the mixing of it.we choose the colour, the taste and the texture of it. it solely depend on our preference, our needs and wants.whatever it is, it's our own life that we're messing up. but not for all, some are just perhaps greedy or envy with our mixtures, causing a catastrophe to our life. they throw away some of their unwanted ingredients into our mixtures.treating us like a garbage can with no feelings.

yes.i do forgive but i do not forget.sometimes i questioned, is this the repayment? of being thoughtful, of being tolerance? i must listen to those people, they're definitely right when it comes to this matter, as the saying goes.."world is cruel". it's undoubtedly true.

what have i done wrong? someone must answer this for me for i'm not perfect, i'm no good than the rest.correct me if i'm wrong, tell me the right way to do it or else i'll end up doing the same mistakes again and again. i'm still learning and forgive me for my mistakes. i pray for good things in life, i pray for forgiveness, i pray for God to give me strength for i'm weak, and most importantly, i pray for a happy life and afterlife. God is fair but they told me life isn't. i want to blame myself this time and i hate to accuse others. i've become embittered. the unfairness haunted my mind, challenge my belief, my stance, my principle.i'm annoyed and irritated. i never dare to question.as i'm afraid of the answers.give me some time and i shall find the truth, the anwers to all these riddles, even if it hurts me mostly.

blinded

i should never thought that
but hey, i can't help it okay



mama's right
he was innocent
and stupid..not stupid
naive.

at last
he came back
to reality


i wanted to slap him
yeap..to that extent honestly
but my words were enough i guess
with all the F's and those shits
finally he understood
and changed


but still as blind as before
he's still fooled
by those tanktops, perfect bodies
glossy lipgloss
thick make-ups and miniskirts

PLASTIC!!

please~
WHATEVER~
i dont give a damn to those shits

those shit ain't goin to give
any pleasure n happiness
you got from us
from mum and dad
kakak and abang
fellow cousins
and dear friends



thank God
now u can see us again
it's never too late
but this is a real hard game..
learn the rules
and you'll never regret



"padan muka.."
was the first word
came out from my lips
when u were very depress

i'm no more hypocrite to you
a tiny little sympathy was good enough
no more that that
i'm no good at it, i must admit
memories taught me
to be who i am today
in this game.

you're no more a romeo
or a prince charming to her
stop complaining
life's more than that

laziness

i hate packing up.especially when holiday's over.my clothes are all over the place.my room's a mess.i'm so damn lazy to pick them up and put into my bag.oh how i wish the mid-term break is longer.why can't they give us another week?just one.

i need more sleep.yes,definitely, even though i slept most of the time.
i need more shopping spree.there's just too much heels and bags nowadays.don't blame me.
i need time to prepare myself to face ausmat again.last 6 months was a total hell.how am i goin to face another half of ausmat?

Accepting the fact that holiday's over has made me feel sick.now i think i'm going to have fever again, so that i dnt have to go to college again.this reminds me of my chilhood time, when school's break over, the monday's early morning drama started. my dad would wake me up and i was terribly sad and keep asking my dad 'why do i have to go to school?' and 'why can't i have another day of holiday?' and then reluctantly i would go to the bathroom and cry until my eyes red.but no matter how red my eye was, my dad still sent me to school.the end.now i'm thinking of doing the same drama though i'm no more 7 year-old girl.

i'm going back to bu tonite.even though it's just 15-minutes drive away from my home, it feels as if my parent is going to send me to Africa. and that reminds me that i need to buy some groceries and abundant supply of nescafe.

Amar is creating noise pollution with his helicopter toy besides me that I can't think of any words to write anymore and there's enough crap. my clothes are calling me to get themselves into the black bag and yeah, it's time to pack up. hany get your lazy bum off the bed and turn off the laptop and get ready to get back to reality.