Wednesday, July 15, 2009

i shouldn't

i never thought i feel this way. honestly. this isn't me. i am not like this and i wish i am never gonna be. what i've taught myself before, what daddy has taught me and what mum always said, everything seems to be pretty good at first. it were all good and i think, it still is. i shall never ever forget those. i listened to what they've said. often we heard, experiences are the best teacher in the world..well if it's true, i'm eager to meet this teacher, to seek knowledge from this teacher.teach me, guide me and lead me.

a lot has to be sacrified.and it's not as easy as we thought it would be.never. instead, it's much harder, not just the hurtful pain, but the drugs are terribly, awfully bitter.the ingredients of life are almost similar for each of's the matter of how well we mix the ingredients.or how bad we did the mixing of it.we choose the colour, the taste and the texture of it. it solely depend on our preference, our needs and wants.whatever it is, it's our own life that we're messing up. but not for all, some are just perhaps greedy or envy with our mixtures, causing a catastrophe to our life. they throw away some of their unwanted ingredients into our mixtures.treating us like a garbage can with no feelings.

yes.i do forgive but i do not forget.sometimes i questioned, is this the repayment? of being thoughtful, of being tolerance? i must listen to those people, they're definitely right when it comes to this matter, as the saying goes.."world is cruel". it's undoubtedly true.

what have i done wrong? someone must answer this for me for i'm not perfect, i'm no good than the rest.correct me if i'm wrong, tell me the right way to do it or else i'll end up doing the same mistakes again and again. i'm still learning and forgive me for my mistakes. i pray for good things in life, i pray for forgiveness, i pray for God to give me strength for i'm weak, and most importantly, i pray for a happy life and afterlife. God is fair but they told me life isn't. i want to blame myself this time and i hate to accuse others. i've become embittered. the unfairness haunted my mind, challenge my belief, my stance, my principle.i'm annoyed and irritated. i never dare to i'm afraid of the answers.give me some time and i shall find the truth, the anwers to all these riddles, even if it hurts me mostly.

Tuesday, July 7, 2009


i should never thought that
but hey, i can't help it okay

mama's right
he was innocent
and stupid..not stupid

at last
he came back
to reality

i wanted to slap him that extent honestly
but my words were enough i guess
with all the F's and those shits
finally he understood
and changed

but still as blind as before
he's still fooled
by those tanktops, perfect bodies
glossy lipgloss
thick make-ups and miniskirts


i dont give a damn to those shits

those shit ain't goin to give
any pleasure n happiness
you got from us
from mum and dad
kakak and abang
fellow cousins
and dear friends

thank God
now u can see us again
it's never too late
but this is a real hard game..
learn the rules
and you'll never regret

"padan muka.."
was the first word
came out from my lips
when u were very depress

i'm no more hypocrite to you
a tiny little sympathy was good enough
no more that that
i'm no good at it, i must admit
memories taught me
to be who i am today
in this game.

you're no more a romeo
or a prince charming to her
stop complaining
life's more than that